Embracing my adaptability, and trying not to get overwhelmed by the unknown

Just another day at home during Coronavirus.

As we settle deeper and deeper into this new normal, as stay-at-home orders extend, and as schools announce closures for the year, I think we’re all coming to realize just how long and significant this chapter in our lives will be.

Last night, while video chatting with friends, we started talking about how this will change things for us all in the long term. We’re already eager to spend time together again, but we wonder when that will actually be. Hopefully we can get together in a couple of months, but when will we feel safe enough to go out to dinner again? What restaurants will still be in business and what will that dining experience look like. Will the tables be further apart? Will the waitstaff be wearing gloves? When will we feel safe enough and confident enough to have our food prepared by strangers again? And that’s just one element of “normal” life.

When I think about travel (my favorite pastime and the reason I’m here in Atlanta right now) I wonder when I’ll ever feel safe getting on an airplane again. That thought makes me extremely emotional, and I get overwhelmed with the idea that I won’t see my sister or my two-year-old nephew in California for the foreseeable future. Overcome with that despair, and thinking about all these critical months I’ll miss of Mason’s development, I think to myself 'maybe I’ll ride out the worst of it here and then start driving back out west once it’s safe to visit them.’ Because once I get back to Martha’s Vineyard I’m that much further away from the west coast.

But shouldn’t I be eager to get home? After all I have a life in Martha’s Vineyard, but what does that really mean right now? The hair salon I work at is closed indefinitely and who knows when I’ll ever want to touch a stranger again anyway… And the digital marketing work I do, which has significantly reduced due to the temporary closing of some of my small business clients, I can do from wherever. Gavin’s work as a private chef is mostly seasonal and it’s likely to take a serious cut this summer, along with most of our local businesses. So it’s not like we’d be running home to the land of opportunity right now.

We’re in a bizarre state of limbo here. Especially being here in Atlanta, a city we know, and a city we love, but can barely enjoy. A place was once our first home, is now a second home, and where we have dozens of friends we’d love to catch up with, and countless new spots we’d love to check out, but those opportunities don’t exist right now. My seventy six year old father-in-law lives two hours away and we’re desperate to see him. A drive so simple, something so tangible, no longer an option. How weird it feels to be so close, yet so far away. Again I wonder when it will be safe again to travel and take advantage of all the additional people and places we theoretically have it our disposal, because once we drive back home we’re 1100 miles away again…

I’ve always considered myself an adaptable person, and these last few weeks have surely tested that. These days Gavin and I are essentially gypsies, having lived life on the road these last few months, so we’re used to not much of a daily routine anyway and we’re comfortable being away from home. I actually think it’s more comforting for me emotionally to not be there, to still be on “vacation mode” or whatever variation of that this is now. I can still tell myself the virus hasn’t actually impacted my day-to-day life, because I’m not living that right now anyway.

They say humans may be the most adaptive species and I think we’re all realizing just how true that might be. Many of us thrive on routine, schedules, planning for the future and knowing what comes next. Those people are struggling the most right now. As a society we build entire lives on particular paths, all along thinking we have significant control over where those trajectories will lead us. The truth is we have very limited control, and we are better off remaining fluid against the forces greater than us.

I shall try to heed my own advice and let these next several weeks, and months come and go as they will, mostly out of my control. When I can I will visit with those I’ve missed, and find joy in new things I’m just now noticing, or finally have the time to appreciate. I will try to make the most of this chapter and not get overwhelmed by the unknown, I hope everyone can do the same.

Recent Headlines: The world hits 1 million coronavirus infections, Georgia closes schools through end of year, Stimulus payments begin April 9, Jared Kushner will not save us from Coronavirus (WTF?!!), Governor Baker uses the Patriots plane to pick up PPE supplies in China

This week’s silver linings: Our house here has a big tub so nightly baths have become a thing, and made even sweeter by recent reports that they’re good for our hearts.

Best thing I saw this week: John Krasinski’s Some Good News account. Also Lucia and Ryan’s new puppy.

Sad news: My 83-year-old grandmother Carol was rushed to the hospital with bowel obstruction and may require surgery. It makes me very nervous, and I’m sending her all the good vibes I can.

Moments of fun and laughter: Playing Jackbox.tv with friends via video chat.

What I’m watching: Season One, Ozark.

A couple of things in the show especially hit home for me this week. On the first episode Jason Bateman’s character Marty is talking about the importance of money. “Half of all American adults have more credit card debt than savings. 25% have no savings at all. And only 15% of the population is on track to fund even one year of retirement.” These numbers are staggering, and reminded me of just how dire most people’s finances are and just how crippling these months will be for most of the country.

On the fifth episode “Ruling Days” Rachel’s character refers to Memorial Day weekend as “ruling days” for the seasonal lodge she owns. The amount of money the Ozark businesses make during the “ruling days” are said to determine how the rest of the year will go. I couldn’t help but think about Martha’s Vineyard and what Memorial Day weekend will look like for us there and how all of this will impact the rest of our summer…