The benefits of having (part-time) kids during a pandemic
A family walk with the kids is part of our regular routine.
I’m a childless adult in quarantine with children.
There’s been comparisons of those without kids in quarantine to those at home with kids in quarantine (here’s an example). There’s the perception that the childless get looser days with longer workouts, more time for hobbies, gardening, reconnecting as a couple, catching up on Netflix shows and training new pets. The parents get longer days playing caregiver and now educator, trying to appease, feed, entertain and enrich stir crazy kids that are testing them at every turn, as the dishes continue to pile up. For the most part I’m experiencing the aforementioned benefits of the childless life during COVID-19, but I’m also reaping the immense benefits of part-time kids, and my regular dose of niece and nephew is without a doubt improving my life during a pandemic.
First and foremost the silver lining in all of this is getting to spend more time with these children that I love so much and totally adore, and I know the feeling is mutual. We typically only get to visit Atlanta once a year and enjoy a week or two with them. Last year we visited in April and the trip unfortunately coincided with the death of a family member in Florida, prompting Gavin, Joe, Erin, Jack, Fiona and I to take an impromptu family road trip to the Sunshine State for the services. It wasn’t the quality time we were expecting, but it ended up being a really amazing experience to share with them. This year we’re getting more of the same thanks to the pandemic.
On a typical day we visit with the family and catch up over dinner (it sounds funny to even say “catch up” anymore considering we’re the only people each other sees and we’re together most days). We’ve been taking the kids for sleepovers on the weekend to give Joe and Erin a much needed break, so they too can get a taste of the luxuries of the childless life during quarantine. While I continue to ask myself how anyone with children ever actually gets anything done? I can barely get out a text message when I’m the adult in the room.
Which leads me to the other benefits of my part time kids right now.
Having them around means I’m likely not on my computer or my phone, and I’m taking a break from the depressing news headlines and social media posts that swirl around us. I’m grateful for the excuse to disconnect from reality long enough to be reminded of the simple joy and beauty in the world. And to be reminded that we all started out young and innocent, which seems especially hard to believe when I look at some of the adults in charge right now…
Surprisingly, being with the kids actually makes me feel more protected from the outside world. It seems ironic when I think that as adults we all work so hard to protect children from the harsh realities of the world, but there they are protecting us from it. Softening the blows by just being there, being cute, curious and genuine. Just by existing as the purest form of humanity, untouched, and unscathed by the trials, tribulations and pressures of adulthood.
Plus they give me an excuse to just be a kid again too. These days I get to play and pretend, to slow down and just be, to imagine and create. And the extra exercise is a great perk too. I’ve played more sports in the last month than I probably have my entire adult life. I’ve held my own on the basketball court, playing two against one versus Gavin and Jack, performing better than most people would assume, myself included. Look at me dribbling and putting up threes, who dis? I’ve hit homers left and right out of the front yard (using an aluminum bat and plastic balls, minor details) and I’ve even coached a nine-year old on pickleball. Oh what purpose I have even amidst a pandemic, thanks kids!
Then there’s the extra ‘creative time’ I’m benefitting from. I’ve painted messages of hope and inspiration in watercolors, got lost in the intricate designs of my adult coloring books, and assembled arrangements with fresh flowers from the backyard, and I’m loving every minute of it. I think I need the art enrichment as much as they do right now, possibly more.
And the questions, you know the kids always have questions, which means I actually have to stop and think and come up with informed responses. What a concept! I remember being told as a kid to never be afraid to ask questions, that’s how you learn. Kids are incessantly curious because they’re literally trying to figure out the entire world and everything is new to them all the time. They ask us questions so that we can explain things, and help them make sense of it all. It’s a tall order in these increasingly senseless days but still an exercise I appreciate.
Lately it’s made me think how little we all really know, even us relatively intelligent adults. We should all keep asking more questions and questioning more things, especially in these times of ultimate uncertainty. Have we stopped asking meaningful questions? We’ve been conditioned to just consume and accept. Often we attempt to process, but then there’s just more and more to consume, consume, consume. It leaves most of us without the space for deep thought or the time to reflect and interpret accordingly. Are we still trying to learn or are we just accepting what we know to be true and regurgitating it back? But I digress…
The benefits of part time kids in quarantine are real and appreciated. I’d bet some of those childless quarantines aren’t nearly as exciting as mine, not nearly as bright or energetic. But I also recognize (and respect more than ever!) how stressful, involved, and seemingly never ending the days of a full time caregiver can be.
We’ve all heard that the choice to not have children is selfish. While I’ve always disagreed, I can acknowledge that parenting is the constant giving of your time to someone else, and being without children is quite the opposite. Why I don’t consider myself selfish by any means, I am selective, and I happily choose the great auntie balance–in quarantine and in life.
Headlines from today: U.S. deaths top 12,000 as New York City suffers deadliest day with over 800 dying, The Asian Countries That Beat Covid-19 Have to Do It Again, Trump removes top coronavirus watchdog, widens attack on inspectors general, Illinois couple dead in murder-suicide after man feared they had coronavirus, Cape Cod in unchartered waters in preparations for summer ahead.
What made my day: I went for a run in the rain and felt truly alive! Along the way I noticed messages of hope displayed in windows and inspirational murals on sidewalk chalk encouraging me to “have a beautiful day.” As I ran up a steep hill an Amazon delivery driver shouted out to me “way to work!” “Thanks buddy, you too” I replied. Who would’ve thought these random interactions with strangers would prove to be so meaningful.
Funnest moment of my day: Playing Yahtzee via Zoom with Kati, Joe, Rachel and Gavin. Four out of five of us rolled a Yahtzee which was a nice reminder that we can beat the odds.
What made me sad: Beach Road Weekend, a big music festival scheduled for late July on Martha’s Vineyard was cancelled today. I’m trying to stay positive about our summer but it’s getting pretty unnerving…
What I’m reading: Fahrenheit 451. Not the most uplifting page-turner to indulge in during a pandemic I know, but it was one of my favorites I’ve been meaning to reread and there was a copy here at the house. In the dystopian society firemen start fires not put them out. I can’t help thinking about our dystopian present, as we find ourselves intentionally avoiding each other when not long ago we valued being together more than anything...
What I’m watching: Just finished Season One of Ozark last night. In the episode Marty swings by Mason’s house to check in. Mason is the pastor—now widowed and a new father—feels like he’s going crazy. “Why would I keep a baby alive in this world?” he asks Marty. “Because kids are hope,” he answers. Touché Marty, touché.